Here you get: Impulses for self-knowledge, a reference to a video for more power and a checklist at the end of the article.
We all know situations in which we feel powerless, i.e. without power. As children, we experienced this feeling when we were unable to assert our will or when our needs were not recognised and fulfilled. That is painful! Based on such experiences, everyone has developed certain behaviours for dealing with the feeling of powerlessness. What is it like for you? How do you deal with the feeling of being (supposedly) without power today? If you stumble over the "supposedly" - I'll get to that in a moment.
Help, I've lost control!
Would it still feel like powerlessness if I could face a situation with serenity and devotion? In other words, park my judgement of the situation for a moment and look at it with an open "aha" or "hello" as a neutral possibility for observation. This is not (yet) easy without practice, even if it would be easy to do. Because in most cases, the stimulus is immediately followed by my unfiltered evaluation - and this results in my feelings and behaviour. Unconsciously, I fall back on the experiences (= reference points) that have characterised me throughout my life.
Being aware of this is the first essential step. "Aha, that's how I do it. Oh yes, that's what's underneath. Hello hello, I already know that." - In this way, I help myself to build a buffer and remember to look at myself. Keyword: self in charge instead of letting my ego take control. For me, this is a piece of self-power, the antithesis of powerlessness.
Own your Power: "Supposedly" is the truth
With a small movement you can empower yourself: Remind yourself that you can always accept that you have no way of controlling, determining, changing, being right, etc. right now. Surrender and serenity give you the power to disempower powerlessness.
You probably know the LCL formula: "Love it. Change it. Leave it." My focus here is solely on "Love it" - embrace it and accept it. Please understand me correctly: Gather and use all your power and possibilities to change something or let it go/leave it. With this aspect of the formula, you are reaching out to yourself and reminding yourself that you always have the power - in the sense of freedom of choice and the ability to shape things. You can freely decide at any time to accept the fact that you are not in control. In my Video "Without power?" you can find out more.
There are circumstances that I can't change. I don't like it, it restricts me, it feels terrible. It doesn't matter whether it's force majeure, other people's decisions or my own creations. Accepting this fact is powerful. I had a good lesson in this recently when my Mac suddenly went out. Data gone, two-year-old laptop broken, a lot of effort and expense as a result, nerves on edge, anger and I felt victimised for a while. Fortunately, I was able to see and take ownership of my "victim status" and the feeling (pain) that lay underneath. At that moment it dissolved and I (my self) was once again the "ruler" in my own house.
Can you recognise your "fantasy of omnipotence" and take ownership of it? We want to control (=security) and our expectations (judgements) are the measure of all things. That's fine. Just be aware that you are helping to determine the degree to which you feel powerless.
Use this little checklist to help you deal with situations in which there is no room for manoeuvre in the future:
- Realise for yourself that you feel powerless and remind yourself that the child inside you is probably running amok. It can do that too. Allow yourself the feeling and be kind to yourself.
- Take ownership of your feelings. By that I mean: give yourself space, recognise that this is how you feel right now and don't try to push it away or talk yourself into something nice.
- Only in the next step, and especially in retrospect, can you sort, research and consider what the situation was good for. Which old wounds, traumas and beliefs were activated? What are your learnings? Is there still something for you to heal?
- Be truly powerful and change your opinion or judgement about the circumstance that you cannot change. Can it be like that?
We cannot control everything, which is why accepting our limits gives us valuable (inner) freedom. Recognising this and acting accordingly is powerful. Feeling follows thought and we have that in our own hands.
Therefore, being without power is by no means the truth.