Martina van der Veer

Confidence - how does that work?

This too shall pass ... or in retrospect I will understand."

The world is spinning ... well, it's spinning. A post on LinkedIn catapulted me into an emotional tunnel (with no light at the end) and my normally positive and optimistic attitude briefly disappeared. There was suddenly no trace of "joy as a compass" 🧭 ...

A heavy heart, sadness and fear of the future took over for a while. The feeling of being disempowered and a victim of circumstances initially made me feel helpless. Fortunately, I have a first aid kit for situations like this to recharge my batteries and be "self in power".

How do you do that? What's in your "self-rescue kit" (apart from chocolate 😉)?

My 1st aid tips

  • Allow feelings and allow myself to recognise them. They are allowed to be there and have a good reason. However, I don't allow them to take over me permanently. As a coach once told me: "Pain is part of life. Suffering is optional." How do you feel about that?
  • Do I know my true "good" reason and my need that lies beneath the feeling? Before I find my way back to confidence as a basic attitude, I want to recognise what my real need is. Security? How can I take care of that and myself?
  • I talk about it. For me, it's an outlet that allows me to release the energy inside. Depending on how deep my pain, despair, fear, etc. is, I get help through coaching. So far, I've always found a solution (or a solution) so that I can move on better and more easily.
  • Note to self: I remind myself: "When I look back from the future, I will see and understand what it was good for." I let my self take the wheel again, which can then be calm again out of deep confidence.
  • I also use my first aid question list: What will it have served? What will I learn and develop from it? What is "the big picture" - for me, others, us? In what way does or should it get me moving, changing, taking action? What can I do now?

How would you add to this list? Please let me know how I can add to the "First aid kit for new confidence".

Inner certainty as a compass 🧭

What it also needs: Inner certainty. By this I mean deep trust and certainty without doubt. I'm not talking about faith or religion here, but about an attitude that is fuelled by me. Self-efficacy in the sense of "being effective myself" or "letting myself be effective". For me, it is knowledge: My self (soul, intuition, light of being) will not let me down. Never.

In dialogue with your self

Do you want to feel your own power and empower yourself? Use this exercise: write down whatever comes to mind without thinking too much:

"When you ask your soul (self) what it wants to tell you now, what do you hear?"

You will always get an answer. Trust yourself. A dear friend of mine does this exercise regularly and is always amazed at the valuable tips, insights and encouragement she receives. Self in power! This is how you let your Back at the wheel yourself. This may sound banal, but it has great power and realigns your inner compass.

My mantra: Looking back, it's good

I know I will deal with the situation. With every situation. I don't yet know how or what will come of it. I can only recognise that in retrospect. My path has shown me time and time again that "drama" resolves itself. Sooner or later ... I can resolve it by reminding myself: "You will make it through..." - You will make it through. And if I can do it, then you can do it too.


Empower yourself:

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