Martina van der Veer

Flown off the curve

Last week my Mac broke down and as the last data backup was a few days ago and not all the data was stored in the cloud, I was particularly desperate. Frustration, anger, sadness and the feeling of being a victim of circumstances took hold of me. Not a trace of self-management. I was so beside myself that I snarled at my husband, who was only trying to help me. I found it so incredibly unfair that this was happening to me now. I was in full victim mode.

Do you know that too? How does it feel for you? What do you think and how do you deal with it?

My spectrum ranges from stubborn, defiant after-school child: "Then don't, everyone can have me for once ...", to howling heap of misery: "Why me? What have I done to deserve this ...?", to the swearing flamethrower who blames others (if possible): " ... ". I'd rather spare you that!

In that moment, I flew out of the awareness that everything that is happening to me right now is an offer. An offer to grow, to heal and to consciously deal with the thoughts, feelings and actions that are caused by it. Power? Own power? Were blown away for the moment. The feeling of powerlessness took over and pushed me off the curve.

It took me a moment to realise that the idea of powerlessness gave me the opportunity to taste the flavour of honest emotions. Emotions that I had as a child, naturally and above all without judgement, and that I no longer allow myself to feel today. I don't like feeling anger, sadness or despair - and I don't find them very "chic" either. As an expert in soul and self-leadership, shouldn't I be so far advanced that this no longer happens to me? "Tjongejongejonge" - as the Dutch would say with a stunned shake of the head or astonishment. A nice illusion that my ego would like me to believe and that I can smile fondly about.

In the past, I would have pushed away my unloved feelings, immediately gone into action mode, found solutions and rushed over myself mercilessly. Anything to avoid feeling helpless (powerless). This time, I allowed myself to accept all feelings and give them space. Self-permission is powerful. Taking time and space for unloved feelings is powerful. Surrender (accepting the circumstances) is powerful.

I am never without power. I had forgotten that for a moment. And of course I looked for a solution, but this time with much more calm and composure.

My Mac can no longer be saved, a week's worth of data is gone and everything that goes with it now costs me work, time and money. Annoying - in any case. But that's all that's happened. Or did it?

Looking back, I can better understand the offer or gift in this situation: it may feel powerless to be so helpless in the face of a circumstance. But the moment I begin to accept it, it becomes my own power. I always have the power to accept it, to recognise the feelings that come with it and to embrace them. I am never without power. Because no one can take this power away from me!

The formula that will make this easier for you as a first step is: "Aha instead of Oh dear". Or "Hello, what have we here?" Both help you to first observe and perceive with a little distance. Then you can sort, feel and decide with more clarity.

How do you see this? Have you had similar experiences where your self has taken the lead again and you have taken back ownership of your power? If you would like to take full ownership of your power again, why not come to the free workshop on 29 November? "MorePower4you". I would be delighted to become more powerful together with you.

Letting go of the old and realising that this experience will help me move forward is what I have learned - as well as significantly better data backup in the future. Even if it was a painful and expensive experience, the realisation is well worth it: I decide whether (and for how long) I stay stuck in the drama or feel like a victim of circumstances and therefore powerless. Even the less attractive feelings are precious, belong to me and want to be recognised and loved back.

I have flown out of the old curve to continue in a new orbit. I am now moving forward with new confidence and more strength.

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